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Post by Jane on

No not, two baby showers for the same baby. What I mean is a baby shower for twins. Though I suppose the first statement was also true.

A baby shower for twins may sound like double trouble. After all there is twice to manage right? Actually, no, it isn't much different than managing a baby shower for a single birth.

And you would be surprised how the amount of gifts really doesn't change that much.

My brother had a little girl, then a eight years later they had twins. Both were born healthy. But since they were little boys the question came up. Should we have another baby shower?

I think it depends on a number of factors:

  • how long since baby #1 was born
  • do your friends/family want to throw you one?

They had a second shower (though I kept it really small) because baby

The first child is 8 years old and my sister-in-law really wanted me to have one. I think if I hadn't said yes, they would have gone ahead and "surprised" me with one anyway... they were very adamant about wanting a shower (most of their kids are also 7+ years old, so they're super excited about having a baby around again).

If you are feeling uncomfortable with the idea of a full shower, there may be several reasons:

  • You have the same sex?
  • The babies are not that far apart in age

You might want something smaller.

I think a twins sprinkle would be nice. You could set up a registry but if all you need is gendered clothes then maybe you would get a few things. I had a friend have a sprinkle with a diaper raffle so she got some diapers and even a few outfits but not a bunch of stuff and it was more of just a get together.

One important tip when you plan a baby shower for a mother expecting twins, don't wait too long. A twin pregnancy is more stressful and it takes a lot more energy the closer she is to term. My sister-in-law had hers at 35, and was sad it was so late. In an ideal world, it would have been at around 25 weeks, since she had more energy. This close can feel like racing the clock, with less energy, there is little time to get the rest sorted out before the babies are there.

Post by Jane on

So, yes, that sounds stupid. Of course you're going to let people help, why wouldn't you?

Because you won't.

I've just had a running argument with my OH, something that has been mirrored with the other new parent couples I know. I've tried to help, and they've yelled at me for helping. Apparently, new parents should be able to do everything, and needing help is a weakness, a sign of failure.

That right there, is bullshit.

Thing is, I've been guilty of this too, when my own parents tried to help, I got really defensive. I clearly knew what I was doing, after all, we'd had our first son for three weeks!

You will need help. Accept it. It's not a sign of weakness. It's not something to be ashamed about.

And when you realize you've just not been accepting help, pass on the message to other new parents, so they can ignore it also :)

You'll feel overwhelmed and all the literature will be for the mother. As a man I found I struggled, no one told me I would need anything other than sleep and that was wrong. One important thing I found was that everyone else forgot what it's like. Each week is so different folks with 3 year olds were out of ouch with those first weeks. Feel free to PM me with any questions or feelings.

Being helpful is good, but if you open the door people will start to tell you everything about your baby. In my experience so far it is not about letting people help, but about learning to ask for help when you need it. And yes, if you come out of the blue to try telling me how to raise my baby I will yell at you.

Post by Jane on

If you have a restless sleeper, one that is not sleeping through the night there are a couple of things you should consider.

Do they still nap?

Naps are important and this article gives you an idea why. But just because they are important doesn't mean that you are using them properly.

Have you thought about removing the afternoon nap?

When my now 3 year old was 2 he started going to bed later and later, he would sleep maybe 8 hours at most at night and a 2 hour nap.

We cut out the nap and now he sleeps 12 hours at night.

My 5 year old was taking naps until she was 4, and still enjoys them, right before she turned 3 we cut her naps down to 30 minutes, she would sleep 10 hours at night with a half hour nap. We couldn't cut them completely out, she would get cranky after preschool and we had to give her cool down time. Each kid is different but they might benefit from a quiet hour in the middle of the day and no nap.

We learned pretty early on that she just needs less sleep than most. She gave up her nap between 12-14 months and we were much better for it. Without a nap she plays hard all day and usually goes right to sleep after bath and book.

On day care days they let her nap which makes sense for their needs but we pay at home by having a disruptive 2 year old who won't go to bed until 10 pm.

Your sons sound like they just aren't tired which makes sense as they are three years old and are probably ready to start giving up day time sleep. It might be worth trying to reduce naps to a 20/30 minutes nap followed by quiet time play, or give up the naps altogether and just do quiet time. Less napping should result in tired toddlers.

Post by Jane on

Babies don't cry for the same reasons adults cry. Crying is like talking to babies. They are not traumatized/sad/scared (or any other negative emotion) most of the time. They're just saying things. "There's a window! I have eyes! What are colors? Blankets!"

Also, when my midwife told me to try to stop expecting specific things and just let things be for the most part.

Everything is a phase and it too shall pass. That doesn't have to be bad but how they nap or eat or play at 1 month is not the same as 3 or 6 months nd you just have to keep adjusting and going along with them.

You'll feel like you're a bad mom if you can't magically make him stop crying.

The fact that you're trying to get him to stop and care is enough. If you've hit your limit, lay him somewhere safe and take a couple of minutes for yourself. If someone else offers to watch baby so you can nap, there is nothing wrong with using ear plugs to get a nap.

"Enjoy the moments you can" Even when you're horrifically sleep deprived, you haven't eaten or showered.

Give them time to play alone. Really watch what they are doing. Newborns don't really do anything, but it's amazing how they progress, and it's so easy to miss when you are always entertaining them.

On the mental health side:

  1. spend at least 10 minutes outside, in sunlight. Early morning is best, but sunlight.
  2. spend 10-20 minutes where you aren't responsible for the baby. This can be combined with the above.
  3. shower and brush your teeth. Eat good protein and meals.
  4. arrange your schedule to get at least a 4 hour chunk of sleep.
  5. If you think you need mental help, get it early. Better yet, arrange for it before the birth. If I didn't have my psychiatrist and therapist lined up, they would not have let me leave the hospital (depression.)
Post by Jane on

Kids grieve differently but they can understand what's going on. Also telling her is a good way to avoid potential resentment towards you. She can understand why you're making the decision and is less likely to think you took her pet away. Explain how this is affecting you and it can help her know how to navigate the loss in a healthy manner. You can have a ceremony afterwards that she is in charge of. When my pets died we did this, it helped us as kids. Hope everything goes well for your family, sorry for your loss.

If you take care of other animals, sooner or later they will pass away.

This can be hard for children.

Reassure them that their sadness and tears were totally normal. If they have questions, let them know if they have any questions you are available now or anytime to answer them.

Post by Jane on

Is your child, a child who had been sleeping throughout the night up until now suddenly active?

This is known as 18-20 mo old sleep regression. Treat it as a night waking; do not get your child out of bed. Offer something to drink (milk, water, etc) check/change the diaper. If the baby is really ready to start the day, you have 2 options: give some toys and keep them in their bed or in a playpen in your room until you're ready to get up, or, you can opt to start your day when the baby gets up.